The new Star Trek movie has me all twisted. One part of me kinda liked it. The other wants to beat the part that likes it senseless, launch it into space, and see if it can survive a few thousand meters from the event horizon of a singularity.

10-year-old-me, who still likes Dr. Who and can totally deal with a Police callbox traveling through space and time righting wrongs with an ever changing cast of Doctors and sidekicks, kinda dug the Flash Gordon-esque nature of writing that boldly goes where no science textbook has gone before. “Yeah, I got ya science hangin’ right here!” Plot holes be damned. Science be damned. Military structure/tactics/doctrine be damned. Bring on the green chicks and phasors; I want action.

Screw established history. Bring on the alternate time line. Ahead full. RAMMING SPEED! FIRE ALL PHASORS!

But then there’s the guy that grew up. The guy that knows you, “…cannot change the laws of physics!” Parking 10 feet from a black hole? Planets that can clearly, visually, see the formation of a black hole, not being pulled apart like a Thanksgiving turkey at Michael Moore’s house? A ball of red goo so powerful that you put a fudge ton of it on a lightly defended ship? A “simple mining ship” with stinky bottom load of torpedoes? Central planets of an interstellar alliance NOT keeping home fleets? Raw cadets being assigned to not only crew, but command, a flagship? Leapfrogging 5 grades and ending up Captain of a Battle Cruiser? MAKE! IT! STOP!

And thus, my conflict. One that could be solved by knowing one simple thing. Did they just not care about trying to maintain SOME level of anchor to reality and just want to make a 2D space shoot-em-up. Or did they have a real pig and just try and put lipstick on it by saying, “we’re returning to the roots,” meaning, “It’s Cinema Queso, but you’ll buy it as summer blockbuster if we spin it enough.”

If it’s the former, then I will happily classify it as Fantasy (like Star Wars) that, on the whole, succeeded as a movie, but failed as a story. If it’s the later, then it was a horrible SciFi movie and an even more contemptible SciFi Story.

2 Responses to “Conflicted.”

  1. 1 charleen May 19, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    They castrated the previous timeline, it’s true, but to be fair they did set it up as a separate timeline after all. One where Kirk’s father died and all.
    Of course, I only watched it because – for once – I had more eye candy than you did.
    If you really want something to rant about, try this: you know the kid they had playing Kirk’s dad? well he just got cast in Swaze’s part in the remake (puke) of Red Dawn, *and* as Thor. Yes Thor. They guy who’s very hammer almost gave Thing a hernia, busted nut and aneurysm when he tried to lift it. That actor barely looked like he could have lifted the chick playing his wife.

    • 2 dantesfiringrange May 19, 2009 at 10:18 pm

      I will give you that… They didn’t do the typical Paramount trick of, “These movies never existed in the universe. EVER!”

      Ok… the part in Red Dawn… I can see (not happy about the movie in general though). But Thor????? WTF??????? He must give really good… read throughs.

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Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.

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