BRAINS!!!!!!

So I had the pad to myself last night. My darling bride was off at some devil music concert with her fiend and they were gonna make a night of it. My choice for a night of unrepentant semi-bachelorhood? Why, of course! ZOMBIES, BEER, AND PIZZA!

To fulfill my wanton state of male singularity, there are things that need be done to maximize the night. To wit, getting the Pizza and Beer. Zombies had been secured days, nay weeks, ago when I DVR’ed Romero’s Diary of the Dead. I set out to the store to get cheep beer and a single serving pizza. I can’t be too wanton. I have a budget. While I’m at the store I knock out the weekly family provision procurement as well. I’m such a rebel!

I put up the groceries, set the pizza to bake, shove some beer and a Splenda Coke* in the freezer, and get the appropriate loadout for watching a zombie movie. One must be prepared. I opt for rifle and pistol.** I’m not that good with a shotgun.

FINALLY! Zombies, pizza, and beer (and coke) are at the ready. Bad Acting? CHECK! Unrealistic gunplay? CHECK! Bad Hamburger shots? CHECK (but not too many nor too bad)!

The movie is more of a “zombies as the reflection of ourselves” flick, examining the way a group of film students (a la Blair Witch) document the downfall of civilization and college kids. It’s PC. It’s not an action shot-‘em-up. And it’s not particularly suspenseful. That said, I enjoyed it more than I did reading World War Z.

Note to self: If you run into the equivalent of the Black Panthers in the PAW and they are nice to you, don’t leave. Offer to man a post. Note to the Ladies: When the leader of said “Band of Brothas” says he respects you and thinks you are alright and doesn’t KILL you when you push his buttons; Drop the whiny a$$ed shutter-bug boy friend and marry that guy. Live long and be happy. Make Strong willed babies to rebuild humanity.

So the movie ends. White guys bad. Good old boys bad. Zombies bad. Humanity Bad. Panic rooms bad. Zombies everywhere. The end.

Underwhelming at best. *sigh*. Nothing good on TeeVee. No good zombie movies On Demand. Just not feeling Shaun of the Dead at the moment. Oh well… I put up the guns. Put the dishes in the dishwasher.*** Feed the worthless furball. Now it’s time to amble off to sleep.

In bed, I’m still thinking about this movie. “Yeah, some snot nosed film student can make regular head shots with a Bersa .380 at 10 feet!” “What’s wrong with people today! Don’t they know to, ‘Shoot the Zed in the Head!’” “Heh! The clown zombie was good.” “Why the hell do you keep the hyper acidic liquid in old mayonnaise jars on the shelf next to the smoked kipper? I hate OSHA, but I think I’m going with them on that little workplace hazard.” “Why didn’t that moron change out of the mummy costume? Geez, how many days was that since they… HOLY F~(#!!!!”

The last part was the cat jumping on the bed. Scared the living daylights out of me. And at that moment, the big old empty house was not so comfy. DAMNIT! The zombies were in my head. Crap! Crap! Crap!

I turned the back porch light on, a know Zombie deterrent, and set the At Home alarm on. A few seconds getting to the guns would be greatly appreciated. As I flopped back into bed in the not-as-dark-as-before dark, I took some comfort in the glow of the night sights on my carry piece on the shelf and wander into sleepy bye.

All and all, a successful night. I miss my wife. Come home soon dear.

*Seems dumb having a diet drink. But I don’t really like real Coke any more.
** Don’t get your knickers in a twist. The guns were unloaded and the ammo safely squirreled away. The beverage of choice is a cheep American light. I’d have to drink a gallon an hour to have anything approaching a buzz. Besides, I do have a clue about the four rules. And while I may be tempted to do an Elvis watching the evening news, if I haven’t done it yet, it ain’t gonna happen.
*** Why is it that dishes can’t seem to make it right into the dishwasher and must spend some time in the sink????
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3 Responses to “BRAINS!!!!!!”


  1. 1 Brigid May 26, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    Zombies, pizza AND beer and she didn’t want to stick around?

    That’s OK, I can’t get anyone interested in “reload, Red Dwarf and rib eye” night some Fridays.

    • 2 dantesfiringrange May 27, 2009 at 2:44 am

      Well… She had this concert planned for months.

      As for R^3 Fridays… {Voice Type= “R. Lee Ermey” Style = “PG-13” }What kind of commie un-American mother hatin’ dirt bag would refuse a Friday night like that with an intelligent red head. It makes me weep for the future of this great nation to think there are worthless maggots like that allowed to breathe the air of our beloved U. S. of A! They need to drop and give me 20. …MILLION! {/Voice}

      Don’t be a Dwayne Dibley y’all. Don’t abandon Brigid!

    • 3 dantesfiringrange May 27, 2009 at 2:48 am

      dangit! It took my mock HTML tags out. Stupid smart editor!


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Dante…

Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.


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