“Let Me Explain. No, There Is Too Much. Let me Sum Up.”*

A few things to summerize the last month or so. 

1) Being sick sucks

2) Not getting well sucks more.

3) Not getting well while getting another illness on top of what you already have, sucks quantum values more still.

4) Murphy likes to pile on.

5) While narcotics ease pain substantially, they make me think that TV shows are substantially funnier than they really are. (Which may explain a lot about why TV is as bad as it is).

6) TO ALL TV WRITERS/PRODUCERS/DIRECTORS: There is no, I repeat NO “National Firearms Registry Database” in the United States that can return a gun’s owner, serial #, and “ballistics fingerprint” in 10 minutes.  NONE!  Stop using that trope.

7) I deny that ANYONE save Massad Ayoob, while sanding 6 to 7 feet away, could ID a single mushroomed bullet in a shiny zip-top baggie, that is throwing off glare like a SOB, as, “looks like a .44 cal to me!”  Not a .45.  A .44!  Really?

8 ) Also to all TV personnel: DNA matches take considerably more time than 20 minutes.  I realize the science has improved in the couple of decades since my summer job in the lab at Baylor, but it hasn’t yet gotten to the “magick pixie dust” stage.

9) Having to buy a car while stoned and ill is neither FUN nor ADVISABLE and should only be done when there are 1) no other options and 2) you’ve done all the research prior to being at Death’s door while wearing a stupid grin on your face because the Vicodin just kicked in.

10) There are only a set number of times the human animal can have a snot soaked phlegm throwing 2 hour coughing fit before they simply break down mentally.  The Army should look into this as a torture technique. 

11) There is no good time to need a root canal.  But “while nursing various other infections throughout the body” is certainly WAY DOWN on the suck list.  Which, of course, is why Murphy picked it.

12) If I never take another does of Codeine, Vicodin, or Darvocet I will be a happy man.

13) However, I am glad that medical science has developed Vicodin and Codeine. Darvocet… Not so much.

14) Blogging loses its luster when all you want to post is, “DEATH PLEASE TAKE ME!” or, “blah,” Or, “Waiting for Death’s warm embrace.”

15) I have become completely attached to my Treo’s book reader.  It’s the only joy I had for over a month. 

16) When my Treo is low on power, it sounds like a hungry lonely child crying in the dark wilderness and it stabs me in the heart.

17) For a time while ill, I did figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up.  …Dead.

18) When you are too sick to care about buying a gun… you are, indeed, sick.

19) Cats are freaked out by Select Comfort beds while they are inflating and deflating.

20) Bleach is an EXCELENT oxidizer and when it spills stealthily on the back of your dryer without anyone knowing it, it will do all manner of damage that makes you need a new dryer. (I could have replaced the parts even while running a 101 degree fever, but I never would have felt safe with it again)

21) I’m not in the Christmas spirit and can’t come to grips with the fact that it’s “that” time of the year.  Maybe by 3 Kings Day I will.  But I wouldn’t make book on it.

22) Back to TV.  I think The Discovery Channel makes The History Channel look like a High School’s Arts/Social Studies departments’ joint venture.  My mind was made up with that ridiculous ad campaign for “The People Speak.”  R. Lee, Please find a way to get to a respectable network.

23) While not in the Christmas spirit, I still feel obliged to keep away from the Ebenezer-esque and do try and say, “Merry Christmas.”  Not, “Happy Holidays…”  MERRY CHRISTMAS. 

24) If you are Jewish, please feel free to tell me, “Happy Chanukah.”  If you are Wiccan, feel free to tell me to have a, “Prosperous yule.” (Or what ever you say.)  But if you are a Marxist and you try to tell me anything about Kwanza… Be prepared for a history lesson because even when my mind is addled with drugs and disease, I can still whip your deluded commie ass in an argument.

25) Oh… and if you are a boss and one of your employees is sick and that employee has not only the means, but temperament to work from home… let them.  You’re not setting up a horrible precedent.  Your other employees will thank you that you’ve allowed the plague ridden member to take their disease away from the herd.  Your title, as far as HR is concerned is, “Manager.”  Not “Micro-Manager”.    

26) While you are well.  Right now.  Go and make some chicken soup and freeze it.  You will be happy you did when you get sick.  Go on.  NOW!

27) Shriracha in chicken soup will open up the sinuses.  Of course, if you are already coughing up things that skitter away on their own impulse, that may not be such a good thing.

28) It may have been paranoid to attack everything in the house (save The Wife and the cat. …and I’m still eying the cat) with Lysol as I stated to get better last week. But I did it and am shamelessly proud of it.

29) When your normally sedate doctor says, “Damn!” after looking at the nurse’s notes…  You’re sick in a special way.

30) When you KNOW what a dying tooth root feels like; don’t let ANYONE try to convince you it’s only your sinuses. Not even your beautiful bride. She means well, but she’s WRONG!

Ok… I think that spate of random covers the parts of the last several weeks that I remember.  I’m still checking YouTube to make sure I didn’t do anything viral while viral.  I will try to stay on top of things enough now to post a few times a week.

*With appoligies to Mandy Patinkin
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Dante…

Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.


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