Archive for the 'Pop' Category

HAHAHAHAHAH!

Frackin’ HI-larious.  But is anyone else waiting for some sexy librarian to say, “shhhh.”

I Wonder If Donny Osmond Is OK?

Didn’t know Purple could actually damage your brain

Quoth the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, “The internet’s completely over.”  … AND… “The internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated.”

O RLY?  Prince was also quoted as saying, “I reject your reality and substitute my own.” Then he shoved his fingers in his ears and yelled, “LALALALALALLALALALALALLAALLALAICAN’THEARYOULALALALALALALAL!”

BTW: If you get the Donny Osmond reference, you are, like me, getting old.

Happy Earth Day!

Remember!  Only you can prevent Capitalism and Liberty.

How We Lost The Culture War. Or… The Marriage Ref.

I’ve been seeing these stupid adds on TeeWee about The Marriage Ref.  The minute Jerry Seinfeld’s name was touted as the reason I should watch this, any last latent schadenfreude curiosity I may have had in pausing for 5 seconds while flipping channels was annihilated like an ant at ground zero.

TV.com has this blurb about the show:

From executive producer Jerry Seinfeld comes this new reality series that looks into the unexpected and absurd situations that arise in the marriages of celebrities, sports stars and just plain regular folks. With all sides of the issues examined, the audience gets to decide whose side they are on… (if any).

Riiiiiight…

That’s not how the commercials portray the coming show.  The adverts suggest that common (and to fit the Hollywood script of, “The pretty people live on the coasts,” they seem extra common) will be shown in all their flyover country buffoonery while celebs make fun of them.

Let’s put aside Hollyweird’s obsession with making marriage into a mockery for a moment.  Let’s focus, instead on how the show is probably going to unfold.   The show will have, edited for maximum affect, rubes playing up to stereotypes while A-List A-holes sit in comic judgment over them (with the occasional dip into a celeb marriage as a “see we make fun of everyone” beard.  Kinda like the one moderate on a political show amongst 3 rabid socialists that proves that it’s non-partisan).  Because, you know, we non-pretty people should submit ourselves to our betters in the Entertainment world.  Always.  They have the right to make fun of us and ridicule us on screen.  It’s just another extension of their omniscience gifted to them when they got their SAG cards.

And in the commercials, who do we see as those who should be so acutely imbued with empathy for marriage and the common man?  Jerry Seinfeld, who “courted” a 17 year old girl and stole his “wife” from another man, and Alec Baldwin, who had a bitter divorce, treated his 11 year old child like crap, and wrote a book about how to get divorced.  Not a book on how to stay together.  Not a book reviewing how he and his Mrs. screwed up so you don’t, but a book on how to selfishly end it.  Wow Hollywood! Thanks ever so! Really! 

I hope and pray this show ends a short run in disgrace.  But given the names behind it, I doubt it.

I’m A Bit Confused.

If the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit edition is really about swim wear… why is the cover girl not really wearing one?  Just asking.

STOP THE PRESSES! MEDIA PERSONALITY THINKS RULES DON’T APPLY TO THEM!!!

Ok…  I’m confused.  Not being a media whore and not really caring what happens to Celebrities, I often don’t get “important news events of the day” such as who’s having who’s baby out of wedlock or what performer/talking-head/singer is in rehab.  I frequently find myself looking like that frat boy who was just informed that, “women have feelings too and may not WANT to be taken adavantage of while drunk,” and has set his face like the RCA Victor Dog caught in an infinite loop of, “Does not compute!!1!!!eleventy!”

So it’s no surprise that I’m gob-smacked by the news that an EMPLOYEE has the gall to tell his EMPLOYER, “NO! I will NOT do what you tell me to do.”  I just don’t get it.  I’m also flummoxed by ALL THE OTHER EMPOLYEES who are behind him

Earth to YOU PAMPERED MORONS!  We live in the REAL WORLD that is governed by the golden rule.  “He who has the gold…”  You dance to the tune of he what pays the band.  DEAL WITH IT!  If you don’t like it, QUIT!  No veiled threats.  No, “My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly…” You leave. Period.  And you don’t go on national TeeVee to bleat like a neutered goat whinging about how your gobs of cash and fame can’t stave off reality and change.

All you unfunny bozos (with the 60% exception of Ferguson whom I do find 60% entertaining) need to thank your lucky stars that some people (in NY and LA) find you funny enough to keep you on the air at all.  You’ve all long passed your usefulness and are destined for some future econ-o car’s gas tank.  Please go quietly to the tar pits and decompose like good little pimples on history’s backside.

And to all you who have the “Thus it has been! Thus is must be so!” attitude about this, deal with life.  Things change.  Favorite restaurants close.  People leave.  Ruger builds and AR and polymer guns.  Democracy is trampled in the stampede for “free” goodies from Uncle Sugar.  In short, nothing is ever meant last.  There was no Thousand Year Reich for Hitler who had tanks and planes and guns… There will be no Thousand Year Reich for The Tonight Show, Herr O’Brien.  But it does suck to be the one at the bottom when the pyramid falls. 

If NBC gives in to this mugging no talent Carson wannabe, then it deserve every bill it will be unable to pay. 

Now if that bloated giant of a network would have the stones to go after its Network News Division…  Oh that would be truly delicious.

RIP Pat.

Brooke Shields Is Like A Swarm Of Love Bugs

I’ve come to the conclusion that Brooke Shields is like love bugs.  She’d gone for 5 to 7 years at a time and then she flares up and you see her everywhere.  You can’t travel anywhere in your life without running into a swarm of Brooke Shields right now.  I feel like I should go out an look at my car and see if I need to squeegee Brooke off the grill.

I’m done now.

This Just In… Whitehouse Had King Of Pop Offed.

Sources close to the Whitehouse say that members of the Obama Administration were responsible for securing the “hit” on Michael Jackson.  The object of the operation was to divert media attention from the flagging economy and unconstitutional bills being passed by Congress.

“Hell… who do you think sent that teacher to Jon (of Jon and Kate fame).  We thought watching that train wreck would keep the media off our backs.  It’s not like they needed much of an excuse.  But they had to go and allow some probing.  So… we had to up the anti.”

The anonymous source was quick to point out that, “The President, Barak Obama, [he paused to bow his head] had no knowledge of this plan,” a claim supported by the Whitehouse.

This lack of awareness, however, pulls into question the omniscience of President Obama.  When asked about this the anonymous source said;

“Why are you changing the subject?  Do you hear what I’m telling you?  It’s Fox News’ fault that The King of Pop is dead!”

Officials with Fox had no comment.

This Blog’s Obligatory Michael Jackson Post

Actually, I’m going to say precious few words about Mr. Jackson.  He got very little rest here on this plane; hopefully he gets some on the next.  I’ll leave the discussions about his talent (for music and getting into bad situations) to others who really care.  I was never a big fan as I firmly believe, with the exception of a few anomalies, the production of good music began to taper to a trickle sometime in the late 1940’s.  

The focus of this post is the Legacy Media.  You pathetic bunch of jackals; every damn one of you.  You take such delight in building up your herd of media sweethearts.  Tending them with such sycophantic care.  Measuring the potential meat yield daily.  Until that one day when you shepherd one poor old heifer in to be slaughtered mercilessly in your 24 hour news abattoir, hacking and tearing at the bones.  Like some sad ancient mythological fertility ritual, you let your stags make hay for a while only to run them to ground when your need for blood drives you to rip apart your creation.

But then, later when the weary eyes of your sacrificial freak show finally close on this world, you scream, “TRAGEDY! A WORLD IN MOURNING!”  With practiced and polished sincerity in your voices you chant on and on about how they were the greatest and best and most beloved… and, oh yes, they had some problems that you were loath to talk about back in the day, but bygones, the world can never be the same now.  Shame on all of you. 

If you really cared so damn much, where were you when the world was crashing down on them and any fool could see they needed help?  Why didn’t you intervene to give them some time to catch their breath?  How come the cameras never stopped their flashes and the tape didn’t stop rolling?  Don’t start talking about journalistic integrity and the, “Public’s right to know.”  Don’t try to white wash your actions as a, “Disinterested third party who simply reports the facts.”*  Don’t help rip the wings off a fly then act so sad when it finally up and dies.

I hope, before your final breath, you atone for you inhumanity.  If not, I’m sure there’s a special place in Hades where even Judas gets to laugh at you.

* No one with half a brain believes that lie anymore.  But then again, that’s not your demographic.   Is it?

Dante…

Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.


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