Archive for the 'Fantasy' Category

Where’s Your Gaia NOW!

Bring me cases of Aqua Net and Freon.  I’ll fix it.

Today’s Moral Quandary Brought To You By Breda And Lawdog

I ran across this and this on their sites.  Having recently attempted for the umpteenth time to read the first Harry Potter book and having glanced at the first Twilight book, I was stuck by the deep notion that if that crap can get readership, why the hell not try myself.  My book is now in Alpha form and I have a few volunteers to ridicule rip apart make fun of my dyslexia do the heavy lifting and first edits. 

Anyway… I dropped sections of my book into the Analyzer.

Here are the results.

For dialogue only, I rang up as Cory Doctorow.

For dialogue intermixed with action/descriptions, I seem to be running over Steven King.

For some um… how to put this… less than wholesome romance (But PG-13), I scored an H.P. Lovecraft.  Fitting given the scene.

For some demonic rantings, I made James Joyce roll over in his grave. 

For general romantic scenes (and I mean romantic interactions between two people, not Boom Chicka Wow Wow…) I came up so MPD that I can’t being to list the authors. 

But when I went out on a lark and had it analyze the book as a whole, I nearly deleted all my work and gave up my dream of having people enjoy my stories.  DAN FRACKIN’ BROWN!  The same name that came up in my general action sequences.

I’ve never read a Dan Brown novel, mainly because Mr. Brown seems to have a hard on for the Catholic Church so I tend to not give $$$ or time to people who dislike a fundamental part of me.  I don’t know if his stories are well written or not.  I know people find his work interesting, but they find Twilight and Harry Potter spend worthy too.  Would it be morally correct to seek to publish a book that could land me the moniker, “A Catholic Dan Brown?”  *Shiver*

My immortal soul is in danger.  Oh the woes of being a tortured artist. 🙂

I Wonder If Donny Osmond Is OK?

Didn’t know Purple could actually damage your brain

Quoth the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, “The internet’s completely over.”  … AND… “The internet’s like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated.”

O RLY?  Prince was also quoted as saying, “I reject your reality and substitute my own.” Then he shoved his fingers in his ears and yelled, “LALALALALALLALALALALALLAALLALAICAN’THEARYOULALALALALALALAL!”

BTW: If you get the Donny Osmond reference, you are, like me, getting old.

Pull This One, It Plays “Jingle Bells!”

I haven’t found a credible web link yet, but honestly, with Barry making “Ground Breaking Earth Shattering Never Before Heard Astonishing Super Omniscient” statements every, what, 5 minutes, it’s hard to keep that news fresh on your website.

Anywhoo… I’m flipping channels in an attempt to… Well… avoid work.  When what do I see but another Obama press conference. (BTW:  do they have to rotate Teleprompters and mics?  What is the Mileage (verbiage?)  Before Refit on those things?) 

Again… Anywhoo… I see the crawl about his Superfantabulous reason for hogging center stage again.  It seems Barry abused his Executive Authority again (but hell, Bushy and Billy did it too.  So nu?) and took part of his soul to form an “Independent Bi-partisan” committee to study the debt and the budget.  Headed by ERSKINE BOWLES, former Clinton Chief of Staff and Crony!   

Yep… They don’t come anymore Bi-Partisan than Erskine. (Ouch!  I think I bit my tongue, it was so far in my cheek).

Let me fill you in on the First Commandment of being a Liar Lawyer.  NEVER ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO.  Barry is going to construct a panel that will give him political cover for expanding government.  It will give him big government answers to big government caused problems. 

And even if it was Bi-Partisan, it would still be POLITICALLY Minded.  You want me to respect this Saintly Panel?  Randomly pick successful large and small business leaders and put them on the panel.  Then you might have something. 

Oh, and who’s the “Bi-Partisan” Republican head of the committee?  Alan Simpson.  Now where do I remember than name from?  Hmmm… Mazola?  Marzipan?  OH RIGHT!!!! Simpson-Mazzoli!  The Shamnesty Bill.  Yep. There’s a real Conservative on the panel. 

I can only hope the Conservatives and Republicans can ignore this feint and keep together.  This is just designed to strip off one or two R’s that can’t stand the heat and get them to have a crisis of character.  It could work.  There’s not a fudge ton of character left amongst the Peachy-Dreams* of the GOP. 

As an aside, if you want to know why the GOP is in the mess it’s in, you only need to know that a Big Government, Constitution ignoring, statist like Simpson held the Senate Whip position.  Pretty typical of the RINO leadership that is still the party’s boat anchor today.

*that’s a play on pachyderms if you didn’t get it.

I Now Have Some Street Cred!

Fo’ shizzle my readizzle!  Er… whatever that’s supposed to mean. 

It seems the Grande Dame of Geeksville, D&D, was causing some major troubles (which starts with “T”, and that rhymes with “P”, and that stands for “Paladin”) in a Wisconsin Prison.  So THE MAN(!) took the game away from the worthless criminal choir-boy who was the major Player Character protagonist.  That warden is so gonna get it (as an NPC, of course). 

So hardened thugs play role-playing games?  Does that mean I get to wear my baseball caps at a jaunty angle now?  Can I belt my britches somewhere south of my wedding tackle? 

Poor prisoners… Do the crime, do the time. Pay the price, you can’t roll the dice.

And since D&D is such a rules heavy system, try playing it without the books.  Yet another reason to love Savage Worlds;160 pages, no fluff, easy to memorize.  I guess I need to start parking some of that data in my neural-net since I’ll be on an anti-.gov watch list at some point.  You never know when the Political Kommisars will take me to the “Re-Education Camps.”

“You can have my dice when you pry them from my cold dead hands!”

What Caliber For…

Giant Sky Jellyfish?

Dante:  *looks at .30-’06 and sighs* “Yep, time for a new gun.”  *Goes to Gunbroker.com to look up what’s available in .45-120*

Ren Fest… Or Octogenarian Furries

So someone talked me into going to the Texas Ren Fest. I’m kinda taken aback by the old lady pushing a Hugo with a big furry fox tail. Need more beer to stop the brain.


Dante…

Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.


Your shortcut to Acute Dyspepsia
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For The Record