Archive for the 'Games' Category

Ok… One Last Rant For The Day.



And we wonder why we are in the shape with are in.

Oh, FWIW, the previous post where I talk about the Moderates who frosted the hell out of me in the last election with their naiveté and high mindedness in the face of facts… they are many of the people who are carping about March Madness like it matters one damn whit.

None of you get to use any of my guns when the Zombies attack.  NONE OF YOU!

Congrats Canucks

Forgot to post this earlier, but If any of you funny talking guys from up north (no.. not the U.P.  More north) run across this site, CONGRATULATIONS!  That was a damn fine Olympics you put on.  Thanks for showing the world you can have a sense of humor and not turn it into some kind of throwback to a “we are the master race” political showpiece. (I’m looking at you China!)

From beer swilling hocky chicks to William Shatner making cracks about sex in canoes, you guys ROCK!  I so want to party with you now.   That just about makes up for foisting Shania Twain and Celine Dion on us.  Not quite, but almost.

I’ll have a Labatt in your honor at the next pub crawl.

I Now Have Some Street Cred!

Fo’ shizzle my readizzle!  Er… whatever that’s supposed to mean. 

It seems the Grande Dame of Geeksville, D&D, was causing some major troubles (which starts with “T”, and that rhymes with “P”, and that stands for “Paladin”) in a Wisconsin Prison.  So THE MAN(!) took the game away from the worthless criminal choir-boy who was the major Player Character protagonist.  That warden is so gonna get it (as an NPC, of course). 

So hardened thugs play role-playing games?  Does that mean I get to wear my baseball caps at a jaunty angle now?  Can I belt my britches somewhere south of my wedding tackle? 

Poor prisoners… Do the crime, do the time. Pay the price, you can’t roll the dice.

And since D&D is such a rules heavy system, try playing it without the books.  Yet another reason to love Savage Worlds;160 pages, no fluff, easy to memorize.  I guess I need to start parking some of that data in my neural-net since I’ll be on an watch list at some point.  You never know when the Political Kommisars will take me to the “Re-Education Camps.”

“You can have my dice when you pry them from my cold dead hands!”

Random Zombie Thoughts

When being attacked by Zombies (or any paranormal creature that aims to molest you) and you have an unbreakable “safe room” that you can close the door to and fire at said creatures through the equivalent of murder holes with total impunity until they are dead… why don’t you use it?  This is not graduate level military doctrine here.  This is simple life skills.

If you are in the middle of a horde of undead being stomped to within an inch of death, it’s NOT the time to remember that you have a bomb, that when flung far away from you, will cause most of  the zombies to break off their attack on you, follow the bomb, and go to be blow to tiny bits “… in your mercy.”   No… the time to remember that is BEFORE you become incapacitated by the horde and are on the ground being stomped within an inch of death.

Things Left 4 Dead Has Taught Me About The Coming Zombiepocalypse.

1)      I need to work on my “Chicken Winging”.  It’s a great target of opportunity for your own team to nail you with Friendly Fire.

2)      Before I enter a doorway that screams, “ZOMBIES! GET YOUR RED HOT ZOMBIES IN HERE!”  I need to take 2 seconds to make sure my primary and secondary weapons are topped off.  Nothing begs the Huggies to get fudged like firing 2 shots and then yelling, “RELOADING” while 30 zombies register you as the Blue Plate Special.

3)      I much prefer Romero Zombies to 28 Days Later Zombies. 

4)      I need to buy more Normal Capacity magazines for my weapons.  The target rich environs of the Undead-Americans call for frequent tactical mag changes.

5)      Setting zombies on fire 50 yards from you?  Good.  Setting zombies on fire 3 feet from you?  BAD!

6)      I promise to be the first through the door and the one to take the brunt of the damage fighting the really bad zombies if you promise to give me fire support when I’m trying to make it to the rescue vehicle.  If, however, you decided to leave me for dead, I will be very put out. 

7)      Never do a bad turn to your survival partners (see above).  You never know when a fudge ton of zombies may follow you into a safe room ignoring the guy you’ve recently burned with your shenanigans and he may just close the unbreakable door on you and your “new friends” w/o lending a helping hand.  *evil grin* File that one under, “Payback’s a B***h,” fellas!

8)      With Pipe-bombs, ammo, and automatic weapons laying all about, the Zombiepocalypse is actually a pretty nice place to be.  I mean… minus the zombies. But hey, we have our own zombies now and none of that fun stuff lying about.  So I don’t know that I mind the “change.”

9)      I need an iPod.  The Zombiepocalypse will not be the same without a soundtrack.

10)  Given that I spend so much free time playing this game, I supposed when the Zombiepocalypse comes I’ll spend all my free time pretending to code,  playing at  finishing my reports, and role-playing that I’m talking to clients on the phone?

Left 4 Dead Solitary Rules: Part 1

No matter how hard you try to sneak by the Witch to gain an achievement, one of the AI players will bump into her and ruin it.  It’s like some jackhole coming up to a pitcher with a perfect game going into the bottom of the 9th and saying, “Great game! You’re gonna get this one for sure!” 

You can’t depend on the AI players to get your back when you are on the minigun.  ‘Nuff said.

Just as you have the perfect candidate for a Spinal Tap (Achievement), one of the AI players will take a shot at it.

Trying to shove and then dispatch a Boomer to get the Clean Kill achievement is near impossible with those bed wetting AI players freaking out and shooting at it when you are 2 feet from it. 

You can’t establish an effective defensive perimeter. Apparently the AI doesn’t understand the concept of Interlocking Arcs of Fire because the AI players move around like ADHD kinds on crack laced Jolt Cola when defending a fixed position from an oncoming Horde.

Left 4 Dead Team Rules: Part 1

When you set a Hunter on fire, make sure that it’s DEAD before you walk away.  It only become someone else’s problem.  …only FLAMING!

If I’m shooting at targets and you move your butt into MY line of fire, It’s all on you!

When I’m trying to set the Witch on fire, don’t just stand there like a lump of drooling slack-jawed undercooked meat. RUN!

When I find a corner to hide in to get good shots off at the Horde; don’t run in front of me without crouching and block my field of fire.  It shows poor decision making skills on  so many levels.


Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.

Your shortcut to Acute Dyspepsia
Any Spelling, Grammatical, or Typographic errors are the result of my keyboard, public school Elementary education, or Secret Government Ninjas and not fault of the author and his flying through his posts at lunch time. If you see any errors, ping me and I will correct them. Ping me often enough, and I will make you my editor.
dantes firing range -A T-
Remove the spaces and convert the -AT- to... you know the drill. In VB Script that's: Value = replace (replace ("dantes firing range -A T-", " ",""), "-AT-", chr(64))

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