Archive for the 'Stuff' Category

AWESOME SAUCE!

Get your red hot awesome sauce here!

This should be fun.  I wonder if they will talk about Top Douchebag Shot.  Some feelings may run a bit deep.

Congrats Canucks

Forgot to post this earlier, but If any of you funny talking guys from up north (no.. not the U.P.  More north) run across this site, CONGRATULATIONS!  That was a damn fine Olympics you put on.  Thanks for showing the world you can have a sense of humor and not turn it into some kind of throwback to a “we are the master race” political showpiece. (I’m looking at you China!)

From beer swilling hocky chicks to William Shatner making cracks about sex in canoes, you guys ROCK!  I so want to party with you now.   That just about makes up for foisting Shania Twain and Celine Dion on us.  Not quite, but almost.

I’ll have a Labatt in your honor at the next pub crawl.

V-day Pro Tip.

gentlemen, if your lady friend pitches a fit that her flowers “came in a box“, start holding new tryouts.  Really.  You’ll be glad you did.

Word Salad In The Lysdexic Blender.

A while ago I wrote a blog entry.  A recent reply to that entry sent me to a very concise link on Dyslexia.   Take a look.   

Please forgive my (mis)use of the non-term “Lysdexic”.  I’m only doing it with comic inetnt intent.

Bad Weekend For The Savings Account.

I just had the most expensive get-together with my fiends I’ve ever had.  Friday night I spent some time at a friend’s where we played some trivia games.  T’was a fun time had on a cold night.  As I pulled out of their apartment complex, the tire pressure warning went nutters and I pull off the road into a parking lot.  Sure enough, the right front tire was flatter than a non-teleprompter Obama rant. In the cold, with the sub par jack that comes with the Mazda 3, I change the tire. 

There was some drama with some rather suspicious folks asking me and The Mrs. if we “needed a ride.”  Hand on my concealed gun, I replied, “No thanks.”  A little more drama when the piss poor jack slipped out of the hard point and started to list about 30 degrees.  All was over come, the tire was replaced with the “doughnut”, and the offending tire was wedged into its carry hole. 

Later that night (morning) as I was winding down from the fun and warming up from the cold, I realized I didn’t take my damn phone off my belt.  The Treo’s touch screen was shattered and the only reason I didn’t lose it all together was the screen protector held the shards in place.  So scratch one smart phone which will have to be replaced to the tune of between $300 and $450 depending upon what I want to upgrade to.  Since there’s nothing I really like out there, I’m not sure what to do about it. 

The next day, I take the tire to be fixed.  As the tire-guy and I pull the tire from the back of the holding well, we both say, “Shit!”  The wheel was bent to the tune of about a centimeter.  And then it hits me.  The FIRST parking space we tried had a DEEEEEP pot hold that was concealed by shadow and water.  I guess I hit it at just the right place for it to bend the inside of the wheel.  It didn’t shake the tire loose until I got up to speed on the road after leaving. *sigh-and-migraine-salute* $340’s later an OEM wheel is ordered and should be in today.  If the tire is ok, that should be it. If not, 2 new tires will also be part of the damage. 

You know… I’m not sure if I like my friends this much.

Litter Box Tango

Why is it that the older I get cleaning out of the cat box sounds more and more like a return to kindergarten? 

As I stoop down to get to the bad business underway it’s, “EE, EE!  AH! AH! I! I! OO! OO! Oh.”

As I lift the lid, “OH! OH! EEWW!”

Looking at the cat, “Ay! You!”  …and sometimes, in frustration, I add, “WHY!”

HAPPY FRACKIN’ NEW YEAR!

Some New Year’s cheer for you.  When we are all in Obama-towns by this time next year, remember fondly these days when we were just WAITING for the real effects of the stimulus to kick in.  Look back with a gentle sigh on these halcyon days when we could decide for ourselves if we wanted to eat or buy over priced healthcare.  Let’s all make some Resolutions for the coming annum.  Shall we?

 1)      I will not vomit every time I see Obama campaigning giving a speech… in his… normal cadence… of… a few… words… at a… time.

2)      I will remember to respect others in the soup lines and form a proper queue.

3)      When I am marked as an Enemy of the State for refusing to buy healthcare, I will not hold the police that take me to jail personally responsible.

4)      When Nationalized Healthcare deems that guns are an unacceptable risk to our wellbeing, I will make to turn in every last one.  Really.

5)      When forced to buy a Government Motors 2 cylinder conservation car, I will not envy the politburo members politicians with SUV’s

6)      Even though Climate Gate has unmasked the Global Warming fraud for what it is, I will listen politely to every TV show that squeezes in some from of Tree Huggery into its Conservative bashing, Obama testifying script.

7)      When I lose my job sometime this year (and I will.  I work in an Obama targeted industry and legislation is already in the pipeline that will kill it overnight), I will be thankful for the Messiah President that has given me the opportunity to experience hunger, poverty, and eviction. 

8)      When crime rises this coming year due to the economic collapse brought about by Obama-nomics, I will do my part to not burden the Police by using 911 only as a clean up service.  At least until #4 is passed.

9)      This one is for 2011:  When the Republican controlled House can’t undo Nationalized Healthcare because of the Dem Controlled Senate (even if only controlled by filibuster); I will not lose hope that we can fix this.

10)  This one is for 2013: When the Republican President and Congress can’t seem to find a way to undo Nationalized Healthcare; I will officially throw in the towel and look for a nice place to go Ex-Pat.

Some Days You Are The Windshield…

Today, I’m the bug. 

Why is it that right before a vacation, I get sick?  Add to that my family is stepping all over some boundaries that are about to make me move with no forwarding address.  God, really… what so ever I did in a former, current, or future life… I’m deeply sorry for.  Really.  I won’t do it (or perhaps, as the case may be, them) again.  I’ve learned my lesson; whatever it was supposed to be.  Just give me some cover fire to get back to the trenches cause it SU-UCKS out here in “no-man’s-land”.

Ren Fest… Or Octogenarian Furries

So someone talked me into going to the Texas Ren Fest. I’m kinda taken aback by the old lady pushing a Hugo with a big furry fox tail. Need more beer to stop the brain.

Parenting Fail

Or could it be titled, “Aliens Took My Baby?” Perhaps, “Kid Proofing Your Ballon for Dummies.”

Either way, see how many bad parenting moves you can spot in this article starting with naming your child, “Falcon.” I tell you I could not stop laughing while reading this.

Tam laments the fortunes of The Onion and I have to agree.

BTW: I was leaning toward “hoax” until some of the coppers were quoted on the news as believing the family. I haven’t ruled it out, but the popo are usually pretty good at spotting that sort of thing.

I just know if I would have caused that much of a ruckus, CPS better take me before my parents got ahold of me.


Dante…

Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.


Your shortcut to Acute Dyspepsia
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For The Record