Posts Tagged 'Generic Rant'

Today’s Moral Quandary Brought To You By Breda And Lawdog

I ran across this and this on their sites.  Having recently attempted for the umpteenth time to read the first Harry Potter book and having glanced at the first Twilight book, I was stuck by the deep notion that if that crap can get readership, why the hell not try myself.  My book is now in Alpha form and I have a few volunteers to ridicule rip apart make fun of my dyslexia do the heavy lifting and first edits. 

Anyway… I dropped sections of my book into the Analyzer.

Here are the results.

For dialogue only, I rang up as Cory Doctorow.

For dialogue intermixed with action/descriptions, I seem to be running over Steven King.

For some um… how to put this… less than wholesome romance (But PG-13), I scored an H.P. Lovecraft.  Fitting given the scene.

For some demonic rantings, I made James Joyce roll over in his grave. 

For general romantic scenes (and I mean romantic interactions between two people, not Boom Chicka Wow Wow…) I came up so MPD that I can’t being to list the authors. 

But when I went out on a lark and had it analyze the book as a whole, I nearly deleted all my work and gave up my dream of having people enjoy my stories.  DAN FRACKIN’ BROWN!  The same name that came up in my general action sequences.

I’ve never read a Dan Brown novel, mainly because Mr. Brown seems to have a hard on for the Catholic Church so I tend to not give $$$ or time to people who dislike a fundamental part of me.  I don’t know if his stories are well written or not.  I know people find his work interesting, but they find Twilight and Harry Potter spend worthy too.  Would it be morally correct to seek to publish a book that could land me the moniker, “A Catholic Dan Brown?”  *Shiver*

My immortal soul is in danger.  Oh the woes of being a tortured artist. 🙂

July 4th… Just Couldn’t Feel The Love.

Job taking all the joy out of writing.  I don’t have much time to comment on anything.  A lot has happened in the past several weeks, but then again, a lot of smarter people than I have been out there commenting on these things… so nu?

I have only one comment on the recently past Independence Day.  I sat in Mass on Saturday listening to the opening and closing hymns that thundered about America and spacious skies and God… And you know all I could think was, “Hog wash.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I love this country.  I think The USA was the best shot humanity had for something approaching true justice and freedom.  But I just can’t shake the feeling that possibility died a long time ago.  I just feel like I’m watching an aging actor or actress who’s trading on the image of what they once were, but after too many face lifts, too many affairs, and too many times believing their own press clippings, just can’t bring the thrill to the performance that they once did. 

Or maybe it’s that old outfielder who just can’t quite cover the corners like he used to and can’t quite get to that low outside fast ball because of too many beers.  He can still rock the fences with a tape measure job if you put one in his wheelhouse, but his time as the unbeatable threat is gone.  He could probably get a few more years if he really tried, but he stopped trying when the love of the game was traded for appearances on ESPN and interviews in SI. 

I don’t mean to be a cynic.  I’m just doing the math and don’t see a way out that doesn’t involve a miracle.  I see two parties who are either completely miscalculating or willfully misinterpreting the masses.  I see 40% of the country being an active hindrance to change, not just a dead weight.  I see people who should be working together, bickering even in victory.  I see the elites snickering into their martinis, pinky extended, self satisfied that they have tied up most of the avenues to power and can prevent meaningful reforms.  Reforms that could cost them power. 

Maybe it’s because I talk to too many people in a day and listen to how deluded they are.  I talk to too many idiots on the left who can’t understand why Socialism is a bad thing.  I talk to too many idiots on the right who still think that truth alone will win the day.  I talk to too many Democrats and Republicans who don’t get just how f’ed up our Economy is and how just plain scary the math looks.  Feh!   Maybe I’m just bipolar and I don’t know it.  But I do know when someone starts singing songs about America, begging God to shed his grace on thee, I get a little worried about what God will send when He’s blue in the face sending grace that keeps getting rejected.   

Perhaps things will turn around soon, but I just don’t see it happening.  The need to call “HARD STARBOARD!” was yesterday and the jagged rocks of the social and financial reality are looming in front of us while our leaders play games (literal and figurative) and smile too sweetly telling us not to worry our pretty little heads.  Well… My head, not so pretty as it is, is worried.  Very worried.  Too worried to sing and pretend it’s all going to be OK.

Welcome to the DH spot, America.  Next stop, crappy local car commercials with loud voiceovers and over emphasized graphics.

Feeling A Wee BYTE Hateful.

So I wake up to an email from my ISP; you know… those Comcastards?  Anyway, I wake up to their lovely email telling me that I can now monitor my own usage so I don’t go over their very generous 250GB total bandwidth usage. 

I’d managed to put the BW Cap out of my mind for a long time.  But they have to go and remind me and force it under my nose by making me check it every month now.  So you digital idiots, here’s what I think about your Cap.  It, and you by extension, suck. 

You have all these commercials touting life on the internet as some sort of limitless experience with ever faster download speeds, yet, HOLD ON THERE BUCKAROO, it’s really not limitless we have to cap it.  Then you charge me exorbitant pricing because you are the only game in town and you don’t actually use that to upgrade your infrastructure.  No, you piss it away on stupid commercials and lame internet sniffer squads that scour the web looking for any adverse comments about you. 

Instead of flashy commercials with Shaq and Ben, internet thought police, and bandwidth limits, why don’t you spend some real cash on your infrastructure so my inet doesn’t go down every 5 minutes like a $10 whore when the fleet’s in.  How about updating some of that architecture and equipment?  Why not spend a little time on designing DVR’s that actually work? 

Oh, and lest we forget, this internet company has THE WORST online payment experience of ANY place I’ve ever been.  …And I pay my city water bill online.  That site was put up by a government contractor.  IT SUCKS!  Yet I’m able to pay my bill on the City’s site in about 30 seconds. 

But can I do anything about any of this?  No.  You are the only game in town.  I can’t get fast enough DSL in my area and you know that.  So you don’t care.  So I’m stuck with you for internet.  But not much longer on the others. I’m dumping your useless digital phone and probably switching to Dish/Satellite as well.  I know that does nothing for the BW Cap, but it will make me feel better that I’m not paying you as much per month.

Ok… One Last Rant For The Day.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT MARCH MADNESS!  OUR COUNTRY JUST GOT NUT PUNCHED IN THE CONSTITUTION!  I DON’T CARE IF YOUR BRACKET SUCKED!  I DON’T CARE ABOUT A BUNCH OF KIDS PLAYING SO SPONSORS CAN MAKE A MINT AND SCHOOLS CAN FORGET ABOUT EDUCATION! 

DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???? THIS COUNTRY WAS JUST THROWN UNDER THE BUS AND WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! 

And we wonder why we are in the shape with are in.

Oh, FWIW, the previous post where I talk about the Moderates who frosted the hell out of me in the last election with their naiveté and high mindedness in the face of facts… they are many of the people who are carping about March Madness like it matters one damn whit.

None of you get to use any of my guns when the Zombies attack.  NONE OF YOU!

V-day Pro Tip #2

PajamaGram… Bad idea.  Think about it.  If they are too small, she’ll think she’s fat.  If they are too big, she’ll think you think she’s fat.  No win situation.  Unless you date a bean poll that can walk into the boy’s department and wear clothes off the rack, just say no. 

And even then.  Too slutty and she’ll think you only bought they for your own amusement.  Not sexy enough, she’ll think you think she’s frumpy.  Just a bad idea all around.   Flowers and jewelry.  Stick to flowers and jewelry.

V-day Pro Tip.

gentlemen, if your lady friend pitches a fit that her flowers “came in a box“, start holding new tryouts.  Really.  You’ll be glad you did.

Bad Weekend For The Savings Account.

I just had the most expensive get-together with my fiends I’ve ever had.  Friday night I spent some time at a friend’s where we played some trivia games.  T’was a fun time had on a cold night.  As I pulled out of their apartment complex, the tire pressure warning went nutters and I pull off the road into a parking lot.  Sure enough, the right front tire was flatter than a non-teleprompter Obama rant. In the cold, with the sub par jack that comes with the Mazda 3, I change the tire. 

There was some drama with some rather suspicious folks asking me and The Mrs. if we “needed a ride.”  Hand on my concealed gun, I replied, “No thanks.”  A little more drama when the piss poor jack slipped out of the hard point and started to list about 30 degrees.  All was over come, the tire was replaced with the “doughnut”, and the offending tire was wedged into its carry hole. 

Later that night (morning) as I was winding down from the fun and warming up from the cold, I realized I didn’t take my damn phone off my belt.  The Treo’s touch screen was shattered and the only reason I didn’t lose it all together was the screen protector held the shards in place.  So scratch one smart phone which will have to be replaced to the tune of between $300 and $450 depending upon what I want to upgrade to.  Since there’s nothing I really like out there, I’m not sure what to do about it. 

The next day, I take the tire to be fixed.  As the tire-guy and I pull the tire from the back of the holding well, we both say, “Shit!”  The wheel was bent to the tune of about a centimeter.  And then it hits me.  The FIRST parking space we tried had a DEEEEEP pot hold that was concealed by shadow and water.  I guess I hit it at just the right place for it to bend the inside of the wheel.  It didn’t shake the tire loose until I got up to speed on the road after leaving. *sigh-and-migraine-salute* $340’s later an OEM wheel is ordered and should be in today.  If the tire is ok, that should be it. If not, 2 new tires will also be part of the damage. 

You know… I’m not sure if I like my friends this much.


Dante…

Conservative, educated, understands history, distrusts government, distrusts politicians, dislikes pop-culture, and carries a firearm. In short, I'm what The Framers of The Constitution were counting on and everything your government wants you to fear most.

The only thing I don’t have to complain about is some GI taking up space in my living room. I’ll let you know about the Civil Courts if someone ever owes more than $20 to me. ---If you didn’t get that one; sue your Civics or US History Teacher.


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